You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
