chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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