I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
