I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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