Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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