i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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