i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
