there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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