I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
