I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
