Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
