He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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