Where did you get a picture of my penis
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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