TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
