So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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