There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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