he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
