WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
