I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
