Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
