Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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