Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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