Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
