what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
