I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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