dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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