This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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