am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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