just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
