He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
