The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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