I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found the puke drawer
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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