Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
