I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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