Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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