I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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