Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
