i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
