If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
