he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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