Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize