first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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