when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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