We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
