Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
