I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
