If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
