Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
