ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
