I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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