The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
