Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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