so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
