we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
