I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
