he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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