Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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