So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
