sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
