Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
