tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I skipped work to stalk him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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