Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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