I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
