ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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