Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
