You're completely useless in the revolution.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
