just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
