There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
