whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
