i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
