a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
