well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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