k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
