Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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