no, he came in my armpit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
