Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
