Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
