Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
